Bathroom moments

Was thinking about some stuff while in the bathroom. Someone I know who feels that he isn’t all that talented, yet placed in a position to serve. and we see (or at least I do) the anointing flowing there. It’s really not about qualifications.

Was thinking of how we get to serve. and of how we all have our weaknesses. and I thought, “Well, God doesn’t use perfect people right?” So.. If I have it all together, if I don’t have flaws, if I’m just absolutely a perfect person — then, firstly I don’t need Jesus, and secondly, God isn’t gonna use someone like me.

Those great men in the bible – none of them were perfect. There was a compulsive liar, an egoistic young man, a harsh critic of the early church — all of them were not just used by God, but were called by Him. Even though God knew that these men would have these weaknesses and flaws.

and right then and there I just thought to myself – wow. Every time I get disgusted with myself for being weak, every time I want to condemn myself for making a mistake, every time I lose my temper – that is my qualification for His blessings AND His anointing to flow.

Scary thought.

Sugarcane

Had lunch with the parents yesterday at some hawker centre. Dad finished his food first and asked me if I wanted sugarcane. It’s been awhile since we drank that.

“Sure”, I replied. Off he went. aiyah. Forgot to ask him to put lemon in it. The folks prefer sugarcane plain, I like it with lemon. Oh well. I’ll make do with the plain one.

Dad came back with a glass of sugarcane drink. I saw a vague yellow shape inside the glass. Oh? Lemon? Could it be? Tasted the lemon inside. Shiok. And I thought, wow, after so long, my dad still remembers my preference without me telling him. He got me what I like, even when I didn’t specify it.

and right there and then I just thought, this is our heavenly Father. God knows us best. He knows what we like. and if our earthly fathers know how to give us good things, what more our heavenly Father?

My dad’s mostly like a typical Asian dad. Earns the money, seldom shows loves or gives compliments. Doesn’t hug his children, at least, not since we were older. But I just thank God that there are these times where I can see God’s love for me in his actions.

I think we all yearn for our father’s love and approval. I don’t think a dad can ever love his children too much. We grow, we are nourished by the Father’s love. We feed on it. and that’s what I wanna do more of. Feed myself, and grow.

Despicable Me

I last posted something about the Father’s love. Want to add on to that by sharing my thoughts after I watched the movie “Despicable Me” recently. I know it’s quite an old movie already, but I’ve only just watched it on HBO.

So the show starts off by introducing our main Villain, Gru. Or Dr. Gru, if u prefer. His plans of evil villainy involve getting hold of sth called a “shrink ray”. He steals it from some top secret facility in Asia, but his plans are thwarted when the ray is stolen in transit, by up-and-coming rival Vector.

So Gru tries to get the Shrink Ray back from Vector’s fortress. His motive is fame, fortune, to commit the ultimate act of villainy (shrink the Moon and steal it). But then, Vector’s in-built defences prove too much for Gru. He can’t get pass all the sharks, heat seeking missiles, and other defences that Vector has put in place.

But later on in the show, he adopts 3 girls from the nearby orphanage, to use them to gain entry into Vector’s fortress. Along the way, he grows to love them, but doesn’t realise it.

Towards the end, the girls are kidnapped by Vector, and when Gru found out, he immediately stormed to Vector’s fortress. He was willing to hand over the very thing he worked so hard to get (the shrunken moon), and easily got through all Vector’s defences he couldn’t get through previously.

Motivated by love for the 3 girls, he easily dodged missiles, battled sharks, and whatnot to be able to get his girls back. Whereas earlier, when he was motivated by fame and fortune, he was not able to get past any of those defences.

Point being: the power of love, especially a parent’s love for his kids, enables him to do much more than what he was able to do before. To be willing, and able. Reminds me of my God, my Jesus, how Jesus loved us and endured the suffering on the cross, His love that kept him from calling out to his angels. His love that kept him on that cross, until he cried out “It is finished!”

Father’s love

At church today, there was a family of four sitting in the row in front of us. Younger son, dad, elder son, mum. The kids weren’t that old (i.e. teenagers) but not too young either. Probably both in primary school. During P&W, the younger son was actively hugging his dad and holding onto him. The elder son tried to act a bit more “tough”, but then when his dad put his arm around him, he didn’t shrug it away either.

Standing there watching them, it was just such a loving sight, a rare picture, to see a dad embracing his sons, and the sons hugging him back.

First thing I felt was my Daddy-God saying to me, look dear, just like that dad in front of you, I’m always actively drawing u close, putting my arm around you. I want you close to me. Let me love you freely. 

Second thing was that I want to be part of this culture in my own family (the one I’ll start, N years down the road). To freely express love and affection. To have my kids say, “Daddy, Mummy, I love you”, cos they’ve heard their parents freely saying it to each other 😉

Heh. Alrights. That’s all for public consumption. The rest is “off the record” already. 😉

He gave it all

There is a chapter in Captivating that talks about taking some time out each day or each week, to have some QT with the Lord and take time to reflect. And we all know that putting on worship songs and stuff  can help us to be more conscious of the Lord’s presence, but did you know that sometimes we can use secular songs as well? The love song playing in my head these days is “I don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith. [Lyrics]

[Bridge]
I don’t wanna miss one smile
I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Which brings me to what I got during P&W today. Was thinking about scenes in those Korean/TW dramas. Sometimes it’s really cliche. The guy pulls the girl out of harms way (and into his arms) just in time to avoid the speeding car/bus/etc. The girl trips spectacularly but the guy catches her and steadies her. Things like that. Even practical pple, we scoff at these scenes, but inside we’re like, wah, longing for some guy to rescue and save u. (Then I’m like, but eh, I seldom trip and seldom/if ever anyhow walk on the road.)

Just felt Daddy-God saying to me, Hey. You have the Best Man, the Perfect One – Jesus. He came to save me. And His ultimate act of sacrifice on the cross (and the scourging leading up to it) proves His unending love. I don’t need to wait for any mortal man to enact this kinda Korean drama scene.

Also, Jesus gave His ALL for me. ALL. He could have given 1%, or even 0.1%. It would have been enough. Would have sufficed. Would u give your all, go all out for something/someone? Very rare right. Jesus gave His all, so that I could have it all.

—-

I got home and almost immediately after I logged on to MSN, sy shared a link with me. “10 ways to avoid marrying the wrong person“. Huh? Quite a long article from a Muslim perspective, but largely it makes sense lar. Let’s see. I like one of the points:

Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:  There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

• Do I respect and admire this person?  What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
• Do I trust this person?  Can I rely on them?  Do I trust their judgment?  Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
• Do I feel Safe?  Do I feel emotionally safe with this person?  Can I be vulnerable?  Can I be myself?  Can I be open?  Can I express myself?
• Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?

If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married.  If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

Ok. Enough already. I want to blog about today’s sermon in a separate post.

A mother’s love

Aunt was describing how she slipped and fell at home cos the maid was mopping the floor and didn’t put anything to indicate that the floor was wet:

Ya, I slipped all the way through sia! Use my arm to break my fall, it was hurting for days! then my ankle till now still hurts sometimes, and it’s such an excruciating pain! The other day was squatting down to do something, then it acted up suddenly and I just couldn’t even support myself…

But, I’m glad I’m the one who fell and not anyone else in the house. Not my hubby, and esp not my 2 sons.

A prayer

Still, my prayer remains. Same as wad I prayed abt 35/36 days ago.

Lord, u keep me. I don’t wanna lose hope, I wanna have Bible hope. Confident expectation of good. That You keep me pure, keep me soft, keep me open, keep me trusting. Keep me a woman.

I dun wanna turn into someone hard and cynical and unyielding and impenetrable.