Today I shall verbalise some of the thoughts swirling in my head since this morning. I wanted to have a proper family dinner tonight, and had told everyone wayy in advance. I’d wanted to sit down to dinner with my complete family, eating good food, bantering, just spending QT, you know?
So this morning my brother dropped in, and asked me if it’s okay if he skipped tonight’s dinner, cos he has a meeting at 6pm that he would really like to go to, and the meeting has no slated ending time. Yes, I was and am still disappointed. Not in him, but at the news lar. Cos we’d already checked everyone’s schedules before this, and turns out that today’s the only day where everyone can make it. I felt a little let down too, because I have dinner all the time with the rest of the family, just that it’s so rare (positive tone) to be able to have Col in for dinner.
So that’s the first disappointment.
Then, cos we’re organising a big extended family gathering this weekend, we asked Col if he was going to be dropping by. (Oh, the irony… Dropping by your own residence?) And.. he said that he was kinda lazy and generally implied that he didn’t wanna turn up. Okay, I’m used to this by now, just that I’ve put a finger on my feelings. I feel like he’s rejecting us. The family, the extended family, the cousins. And this perceived rejection, it’s just killing us slowly. Rejection hurts. Repeated rejections? Agony.
Okay, very angtsy now. Sometimes u wanna cling on to the emo feeling, throw a pity party… Why ah? Okay, snap out of it.Once again I’m reminded of the story of the prodigal son that’s recorded in the bible (reproduced at the end of this post). Basically it tells of a son who asked his father for his inheritance, squandered everything out in the world, but when he came back to his father (out of desperation/hunger), his dad welcomed him with opened arms and lavished him with love. It’s a story used to illustrate the Father’s love. That no matter what the son may have done, no matter how bad he screwed up his life, the father still loves him.
BUT. I can’t do that. I don’t have the heart to love him as the father loved the prodigal son. Ironic that the “elder brother” mentality creeps up on me. Daddy-God, I can’t love him and keep forgiving him with my own efforts. Help me to love him with your love. I can’t do it by myself.
—-
The parable of the prodigal son, with [footnotes] added by me:
Luke 15:11-31 (New Living Translation)
Parable of the Lost Son
11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. [1]
13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. [2] 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’
22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’
28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’ [3]
31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours.
[1] -The younger son asking his father for his share of the estate – his inheritance, it’s as good as implying that he wishes his father to die. Cos you can only receive an inheritance if someone dies first.
[2] – The father saw his errant son even when he was still a long way off – means that he must have been straining his eyes for any sign of his son, probably looking out every day even.
[3] – The elder brother totally didn’t understand the father’s actions. Cos he had a mentality that he must work for his dad in order to receive his share of the profits. But actually, the very fact that he’s his father’s son is enough to warrant him his inheritance already.
Luke 15:11-31 (New Living Translation)
Parable of the Lost Son
11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.13 “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. 16 The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
17 “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
20 “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’
22 “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’
28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’
31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours.
Blessed :) 